You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
