what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
