I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
