the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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