you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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