i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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