i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
