Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
