So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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