using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
