nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
