i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
and she was petting her beer can
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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