Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
