I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
