You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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