My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
