Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
