All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
