He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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