90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My life is pants optional.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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