someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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