so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
