What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
