I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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