i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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