So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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