3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
