You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
