Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
