I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
