You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
