How'd it feel making her break her religion?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
