i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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