My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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