Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
