A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize