all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
