i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
