i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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