I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
