Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
