i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
