She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
