Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think im going to throw up on grandma
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
