Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize