yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
