I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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