You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
