..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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