Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
