She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
