Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
