There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
