this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
