I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
