I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
