Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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