no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
