Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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