the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize