I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
